I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
