I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
