Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
