Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
