A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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