He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So. Much. Porn.
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