My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
