this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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