It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
