i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
