finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He did a backflip because drugs
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