if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
