guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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