I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
