with your own penis?
I cannot find my penis.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
