I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
