Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
