the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
