i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
