I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
