just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I checked into jail on foursquare
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
