I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
barbara walters just said penis...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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