hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
