At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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