the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
