i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
