dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
