she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
