i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
