My cat gives me a boner
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
