And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Duck Duck Cougar?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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