Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
