I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
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