You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This girl is more easily done than said...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
