What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
