I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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