Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
