sarcasm needs its own font
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
