I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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