Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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