i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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