I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
