Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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