How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
