So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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