So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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