Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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