Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Randomize
