I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
as a side note pls kill me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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