she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
