she kept yelling 'call me bella'
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
