I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
